Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewerand support Mumsnet. Im a reg with a name change for ob reasons. I am heavily preg, expecting 3 in the New Year. I thought we were happy, in fact I have been living in domestic bliss for many years.
Well, bugger me, jsut noticed a dating site on the browser history. Logged on and did a few searches and sure enough, dh is on there What am I going to do??? Someone from here could him and see what happens. He may not have 'done' anything yet and it could make things a whole lot worse. Sadly this behaviour is far too common.
I think it's partly to do with fear of further commitment-- and wanted to check that they are still fanciable etc It may just be him needing a quick ego dh dating site, to find out whether other women still found him sexy. Or it maybe something more devious. I know dh dating site hard found out my ex was having an affair when my dd six weeks old but you need to establish him motives and his aims.
It could turn out to be not quite as sinister as it looks, if it triggers a heart to heart discussion it could be ultimately something that draws you closer. I really hope it's the latter, but ultimately you will survive, don't let it overwhelm you if possible I cried and cried for my ex and everything that could've been and should've been.
Now, 6 years down the line I thank god I'm not in that relationship anymore and feel much stronger and wiser for it. A hard lesson, but ultimately for me, a good one. Oh is he only looking? I thought that he was registered.
Annette cabrera, 34 years old
I think there's a difference. It normally costs money to register as well. Then you need to get a hold of his mobile phone and check the messages on it, and set it to save any sent messages. I think she meant that she couldn't read them as in that she couldn't bring herself to read them, but could be wrong.
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Sorry to hear this, I am going through something similar with H and I am due to have three in three weeks time, so I know exactly how you feel. One word of warning- the more information you find out is the more you have to toture yourself with, so think carefully about what you do next.
I would be unable to resist putting myself on the site and contacting him. Very sorry to hear that you are going through this shit. On a more dh dating site ie not me level you could leave the on the PC where he has registered, leave the room and make sure youre doing t when he will see it. Then bring in a coffee and say you need a chat.
Then take it one small step at a time whichever road you choose to go down, being very kind to yourself all the way. You don't have to pay on many of these sites; you just register and make yourself a dh dating site profile. I too know far too much about these horrible, marriage wrecking sites.
My H registered himself as 'unspecified' re marital status and specified from a drop down list that he was 'just'! There was also some nasty info he had entered below about the type of sex he likes; nothing shocking but SO devastating for me to find; and SEE how he was 'averstising himself'. I alternately torture myself over this or reassure myself that he has no intentions of actually meeting internet slags for cheap nasty shags.
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As has been sad below, trust gone. I don't know what the future holds. He swears he hasn't been back on these sites in months but there have been many instances of me finding out he has been looking at porn, which, sadly for him, I used to tolerate without a problem, even laugh about, but now, with each reoccurance, I just get ill with stress and shock that he has done again what he swore not to, and intense worry about what it dh dating site lead to.
Those sites again or worse, and me having to instigate us splitting up. Because I have been SO miserable in recent months because of all this that it crosses my mind sometimes that I couldn't possibly more miserable without him. And I would be learning to live again without all this horrible horrible stress and fear that never really goes away. I have told him that he is risking losing his life as it is for one where he is free to say and do what he wants with internet tarts and whoever so he needs to think very dh dating site about what he does in future but I fear that he has a problem; an addiction of sorts, or at least a compulsion.
I do hestiate to split the family up though; it seems selfish in a way as he is a decent father and the childred would be so upset.
HE has done this! I can shed no real light onto why 'happily' dh dating site men do this but I have discovered that men think very VERY differently from women and are able to separate love and sex in a way that must women don't and can't. They compartmentalise this little 'harmless hobby' of theirs and think that what we don't know does not need to hurt us or affect us in any way. Many of them are very simple creatures in this respect. I suggest that you go back and scrutinise his profile s and see what he has regsitered himself as 'wanting'.
If he is looking for online thrills only like my shit of an H than this is slightly different from looking to meet people offline. And you may be able to get through this. It's funny, I describe my H as a shit too. I do love him but the trust is gone. Counselling is a very good idea. My heart goes out to you.
I read these type of thre a lot on here and it's so sad that there are so many but it gives me a feeling of being supported by all the women in the same position. I hope you can work this out. Please keep posting. I Feel so sorry for you, I know how awful it is when you discover something like this when you weren't really looking for it.
I discovered via the phone bill that DH was ringing sex chat lines when DD was a tiny baby. When I confronted him about it he blamed the fact thatwe were hardly having sex. He then got really annoyed with me asand even grabbed me by the head when I challenged him as I was changing DD's nappy as she just gurgled up at me.
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Are they a different species? How can they not put their families first? I really don't know what drives them to do these things, but know that you are by no means alone. In fact, I'll bet that the vast majority of the men on those sites are married with families, I just think that dh dating site is too easy for them to get a thrill - if it were a case of going out and seeking a prostitute, very few of them would - it's simply opportunity presenting itself. Trust is something you have to earn, and mine in him depleted for a long time. We are OK now, so try to resolve the issue, especially if you have children.
Things that seem devastating at the time can be pushed into the dusty recesses of your mind and life can go back to normal.
It may take time, but it's worth the perserverance. MTAS, how horrible for you to find this. I know what a shock it is, as I discovered my ex-H was having an affair via his text messages. You definitely need to talk. Unfortunately married men on dating sites are very common. I have met 3 men who omitted to tell me they were married.
Really horrible feeling knowing that you have unwittingly been chatting to and arranged a date with someone else's husband. Hope you can work this through MTAS. Already have a Mumsnet ?
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