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AJ's Lincoln Ave. Cold beer. Sports on the tube.

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Scantily clad women in bikinis and exciting lingerie. In other words: Al Bundy heaven.

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Two-drink minimum but no cover charge. Full restaurant and bar.

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Smoking okay, which seems appropriate--if not here, where? Happy hour shows at pm daily. Brass Rail Persian Dr. Full bar, nachos and hot dogs provided for a different kind of hunger. Smoking permitted.

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The Candid Club E. El Camino Real, Sunnyvale. Full bar, pool tables, three big-screen TVs always tuned to sports.

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Oh, yes, and it's rumored there's nonstop topless go-go dancing. No cover charge. The Hip Hugger W. The Good News: popcorn, hot dogs, microbrew and domestic beer, a pool table and two stages of raw go-go dancing.

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Between sets, discuss Plato with the performers. Have lunch delivered while watching the show or bring a bag lunch.

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It doesn't matter. It's all about good, wholesome, partially clothed fun. Never a cover charge.

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Kit Kat Club E. Arques Ave. The flashing colored lights. The bad '70s music. See Divine, the former junior Olympian, perform back flips totally nude to "Hotel California.

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Private table dances cost extra. Billiards; pinball; satellite TV. Pink Poodle S. Bascom Ave. You can't take the girls from the Poodle home, but you darn well can remember them later.

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Live DJ; free, semidiscreet parking; adult bookstore next door; no smoking. T's Cabaret Old Oakland Rd. Three stages swarm with bikini-clad dancers in the main bar area. Full bar and grill. Smoking allowed. Patio seating.

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